Below is a collection of memorable and humorous lines spoken by the character HARRY in the iconic movie Dumb and Dumber.
Humorous HARRY Quotes
“Boy, aren’t we a couple of beauties?”
“That’ll teach you to jump to conclusions.”
“Uh… it’s for mature audiences. I don’t wanna chance getting turned away at the door.”
“Yeah! I was running a little late. Thought this would save time.”
“Come on, flush, you bastard…”
“Uh… just cleaning my teeth. Give me a minute, Mary, I’ll be right with you.”
“It just occurred to me. She must’ve meant ten o’clock at night. Of course! Why would she have you meet her at a bar at ten in the morning?”
“Until he turned into a backstabber.”
“Guess not.”
“Just tell me where to sign, bud.”
“Except you’re forgetting one minor etail. If you kill us, you’d be killing yourself. You see, philosophers believe that we’re all really just tiny pieces of one huge universal being. In other words, I am you and you are me, so if you were to kill us you’d be committing suicide, you unenlightened idiot –“
“I dunno. I’m sure we’ll find a trailer camp somewhere to call home.”
“What are you talking about? It’s only six years old.”
“Can’t recognize them. Could be student loan thugs again, or the IRS, or maybe somebody pissed off about that case of Girl Scout cookies you bounced a check on.”
“Well, whoever they are, they look serious. One of them’s even wearing plaid.”
“It gets worse, Lloyd. My parakeet Petey he’s… he’s dead. His head fell off. His head fell off? Yeah, he was pretty old. Nah, I bought him used.”
“I don’t know, Lloyd, the French are assholes.”
“(confused) What are you talking about, Lloyd? His head fell off. Wait a second, I know what you’re up to. You just wanna go to Aspen so you can find that girl who lost her briefcase and you need me to drive you there.”
“(torn) I don’t know, Lloyd. I think we should stay here, hunt for jobs, and keep saving money for the worm store. I’m getting a little sick and tired of always running from creditors.”
“Come on, Lloyd. Give us a kiss.”
“Don’t you know anything, Lloyd? Ninety percent of all accidents happen within five miles of home. We’ve already traveled 6.3 miles.”
“Oh, a few baseball cards, a sack of marbles, Petey, three comic books a second, are you telling me you sold my dead bird to a blind kid? Well who else was I gonna sell it to?”
“But Lloyd, Petey didn’t even have a head.”
“You got yourself a bet, sucker!”
“Actually, this chocolate milk isn’t mixed very well. Could you please bring me a spoon?”
“It was a terrible accident, Sir. Believe me, I would never do anything to offend a man of your size. Please accept my most sincere apology.”
“Perfect. I’m out eight bucks and I still haven’t eaten.”
“Well… just take a whiz in an empty beer bottle. There’s a couple on the floor in the back seat.”
“(calling out) No, it’s a Cardigan! But thanks for noticing!”
“(v.o.) I don’t know, Lloyd, I feel a little sleazy staying here when we’re not even engaged.”
“The same. We had this incredibly romantic time. Boy, I thought we’d be together forever. (SIGHS) Then about a week later, right out of the blue, she sends me a John Deere letter.”
“I called her up and she gave me some crap about me not listening to her enough or something like that. I wasn’t really paying attention.”
“(tapping him back) Anti-quitsies. You’re it. Quitsies. No anti-quitsies. No startsies.”
“Fresh, huh?”
“Wow… talk about paradise.”
“And after we’re finished breathing,”
“About this social scene how do you expect a couple mutts like us to make a splash in the land of pedigrees when we don’t even have any money?”
“It’s a fruit. I’m telling you, it’s a fruit.”
“Tell you what, why don’t we leet an impartial judge decide. Hey, Mr. Mentalino, settle our bet: Are jelly beans fruits or vegetables?”
“Yeah, more tingly than hot.”
“That really wasn’t very polite of him, was it? Maybe we should loosen the screws of his chair.”
“You mean like ‘turn the other cheek?’”
“The briefcase isn’t even ours. Some lady just left it at the airport. We’re bringing it back to her.”
“Hey, you okay, man? It was just a goof.”
“Small comfort coming from a man who sells dead birds to blind kids.”
“Don’t you get it, Lloyd. I’ve got a ead guy pissed at me. His restless spirit will probably haunt me for the next seventy-five years.”
“Let’s get off and crash at a motel before I crash into one.”
“I need a crib fast.”
“Wait a second one burger put us over budget?”
“I think it’s about time we pull over and change seats. I’ve been driving for nine straight hours I don’t have the energy to start a new state.”
“Come on, wake up. You pay, I’ll pump.”
“Skis, huh?”
“That’s a lot of luggage for a little vacation.”
“Here, this is a little loose. Allow me…”
“Look, um, maybe when I get to Aspen we can meet up… you know, for hot chocolate or something.”
“Sure thing, Lloyd. I promise not to mention another word about you being in a bathroom stall with a six-foot, five-inch trucker with his pants own.”
“Not at that height it’s not.”
“Funny. I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.”
“Yeah, it really is.”
“Uh, Lloyd, refresh my memory: Doesn’t the sun rise in the east and set in the west? Then perchance you can explain to me why the sun is in our face at 7:30 in the morning when we’re heading west.”
“You know, I got half a mind to just jump on the bus to Europe and say goodbye to your ugly mug forever.”
“A tad? Lloyd, you drove almost a sixth of the way across the country in the wrong direction. Now we don’t have enough money to get to Aspen, we on’t have enough money to get home, we don’t have enough to eat, we don’t have enough to sleep!”
“Home. I’m walking home. Why not? We’re probably only five miles away.”
“Jolly good idea, chap. And where oes the lovely young lady reside?”
“Well what’s her last name? We’ll look it up in the phone book.”
“Hey, you got something stuck in your front teeth. Wanna split it?”
“What anti-cold system?”
“To warm up.”
“I’m worried about how you’re gonna survive the pummeling I’m about to give you. Get over here and take your medicine, Lloyd!”
“That’s a filling, you liar!”
“Sounds good.”
“We’ll be meticulous right down to the last penny.”
“Absolutely. We’re good for it. It’ll come right out of our first paycheck.”
“Oh god, it’s really true. Last night I thought I might’ve been dreaming. And it was so simple. All it took was somebody else’s money.”
“You know, Lloyd, I think you might’ve gone a little overboard with the spending today. Sure, but do you really think you needed to buy those two surfboards? Ahhh. I was wondering why you had those bindings put on them. I bought it. I like the feel of it against my skin… …I mean, you know, when a woman’s wearing it. Look, leave me alone. I’m rich now. I’m supposed to have a few eccentricities. Cocktail hour has commenced!”
HARRY on Friendship
“Sure thing, pal. Whatever you think will help your chances.”
“It’s all Kharma, Harry. You screw your best friend over and it’s gonna come back to haunt you, plain and simple…”
“Yeah, and you knew how crazy I was about Fraida Felcher, but that didn’t stop you, did it?”
“Well I guess we both learned a little something about each other, didn’t we?”
“(WHISPERING) We don’t have any friends.”
“Money does terrible things to people. I mean, we could lose our friendship.”
“Well let me put it this way, Lloyd: Do you remember when we were Cub Scouts and we got lost in the woods uring that blizzard? We huddled together all night, and we made an oath that if we ever got out of there alive we’d never ever leave each other’s side again. Do you remember that?”
“Exactly.”
HARRY on Life and Reflection
“That’ll teach you to jump to conclusions.”
“There’s nothing waiting for me anywhere.”
“I used to have a life! A miserable one, but a life, nonetheless!”