Memorable lines from the hilarious and heartwarming movie, Eight Crazy Nights.
Funny Eight Crazy Nights Movie Quotes
Davey: I’d hit a three-pointer, except I’d have to drop mypants and pop a thumb up my boo-boo.
Whitey: Your horn works, try the lights.
Whitey: Men’s 11 right foot, children’s 9 left foot. At your service.
Davey: I hate love, I hate you, I hate me. Well, I’m a snowmobile stealing ‘No “’tis-the-season-feelin’” kind of guy.
Whitey: Joke’s one you, tough guy. I can’t read.
Davey: Maybe on night four the Chanukah monster will take a big crap on your bed.
Whitey: My finger’s in your mouth, kitty, but I don’t feel no teeth.
Davey: I should stick you on a twig and roast you.
Eleanore: Oh, feel my hiney?
Eleanore: You hoodlums better bring my wig back! I know it was you!
Eleanore: Mister, if you’re going to kill us, take off your wet shoes. They’re soaking the carpet.
Davey: (refers to their baby pictures) I wouldn’t show that picture to anyone or they might try to take you two guys back to the laboratory.
Whitey: If you’re coming from the street with dirty shoes on your feet, that’s a technical foul.
Eleanore: You’ll get hit with a bat. ‘Cause that’s a technical foul.
Davey: Use this horn as a bong? Adios, Tommy Chong.
Eleanore: Can I walk around with my morning erection? If you want an automatic ejection ’cause that’s a technical foul. But I’d like to see it anyway. Just kidding.
Davey: Here with Wigs McGee and a furry elf.
Eleanore: Without my wig, I look like an owl, hoo hoo.
Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf Cup: How do you like your java? With a shit of whiskey. Let’s try it black instead.
Eight Crazy Nights Movie Quotes on Life
Narrator: Christmas is right around the corner and Chanukah starts tonight. Ain’t a better time of year. You got no school, you can eat like a pig, and people give you stuff. Just makes you feel tingly all over.
Narrator: But you know what? There are some buffoons out there who actually can’t stand the holiday season.
Narrator: As a matter of fact, the head honcho of holiday humbug lives right here in little old Dukesberry.
Narrator: At one time, Davey was a super student, super athlete super sweet, super kid and the apple of his parents’ eye. Now, he’s just a 33-year-old crazy Jewish guy who lives for making this town as miserable as he is especially on the first night of Chanukah.
Whitey: Neither am I, but that don’t stop me from enjoying a holiday.
Whitey: You need to clean your brain out, pal. And to me, the mall is the best place to do that.
Whitey: Everything. You want a pair of socks? My buddy, Mr. Foot Locker will warm your feet. You need a fancy doodad? Hello, Sharper Image.
Whitey: But if you’re short of cash like little old me, the window shopping’s always free.
Whitey: It’s about the kids and teaching them responsibility and teamwork.
Davey: I guess I got to make the best of this.
Eight Crazy Nights Movie Quotes on Relationships
Davey: (to his car) Listen, sweetheart. I have to leave you here alone tonight, but don’t you worry, I’ll be back first thing in the morning. Now behave yourself, and don’t stay up too late. Heh. Nighty-night.
Davey: Oh, mama! You like it when I hold you like this? Because I’ll do it all night long. Soooo sweet. Yes, so precious. Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! I love you car!
Jennifer: I loved him and he loved me.
Whitey: Respect carries over beyond the court.
Davey: I can’t believe I haven’t killed myself.
Davey: Guess I’ll have to deal with your demands.
Eight Crazy Nights Movie Quotes on Change and Reflection
Foot Locker Referee: Something that should have happened 20 years ago.
Foot Locker Referee: You can run from Whitey, but you ain’t gonna run from us.
Foot Locker Referee: Maybe they’re onto something that you should give a try. Go ahead and let it out and have yourself a cry.
Narrator: Even loners need company sometimes.