Here is a collection of memorable Brian Madison Quotes from the classic comedy film Billy Madison.
Funny Brian Madison Quotes
“Uh… Okay. The Industrial Revolution to me is just like a story I know called “The Puppy Who Lost His Way.” The world was changing, and the puppy was getting… bigger.”
“So, you see, the puppy was like industry. In that, they were both lost in the woods. And nobody, especially the little boy – “society” – knew where to find ’em. Except that the puppy was a dog. But the industry, my friends, that was a revolution.”
“Knibb High football rules!”
“Okay, a simple “wrong” would’ve done just fine.”
“Pfft. Kid can’t even read.”
“T-T-T-TODAY, JUNIOR!”
“Jack Nicholson now, or 1974?”
“Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It’s the coolest.”
“YES. You ain’t cool, unless you pee your pants.”
“OOH. That was the grossest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Let’s go!”
“I disagree, it’s a very good game, but I think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.”
“Ohh! The “C” is silent.”
“Oh my God. I’ll go to school.”
“[Catches the ball one-handed] Now you’re all in big, BIG trouble.”
“Hey I’m trying to score points with the teacher today. DON’T SCREW IT UP.”
“[walks down the bus to the teacher] Uhhh Miss Vaughn, I was wondering how long there’s to get there, I need to go to the bathroom.”
“[singing] Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I’m not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don’t get in a fight. Ohhhh, back to school. Back to school. Back to school. Well, here goes nothing.”
“Well, I made the duck blue because I’d never seen a blue duck before and I wanted to see one.”
“Wow, Miss Lippy, that’s great. What do you think of that Mr. Blue Duck?”
“That’s quacktastic.”
“Sixty nine!”
“Lady, you’re scaring us.”
“[Veronica has taken Billy out of the classroom after making fun of the kid trying to read My sister Fanny] OW! You’re tearing my ear off.”
“I’m sorry I can’t hear you. I’ve been physically abused in the ear.”
“Well I can think of three things I’d like to do. One would involve some ice cubes and a nine iron. Two would include a buffalo…”
“…Live or stuffed, preferably stuffed for safety sake, and three, we bring back some of those ice cubes and switch it over to a pitching wedge.”
“Chlorophyll? More like BOREophyll.”
“I bet that snack pack is pretty good huh?”
“Wanna trade me the rest of it for this banana?”
“You know how badly I could beat you, right?”
“No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? This girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I’m here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.”
“You think so? I fell asleep by the pool for a few hours.”
“[sings] # Suntan lotion is good for me. / You protect me, hee-hee-hee. #”
“Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth. Oh, really, fool? Really.”
“Stop looking at me, swan.”
“[shouting] Where’s my snack pack?”
“I don’t know. I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.”
“You know I like Snack Pack. Why can’t you just give me a Snack Pack?”
“No!”
“Couch. C-O-R, uh, are you going to the mall today?”
“C-O-U-C-H!”
“I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!”
“[after Danny shoots Eric] Man, I’m glad I called that guy.”
“How ’bout you Sideburns? You want some of this milk?”
“Bunt. B-U-N-T, in perfect cursive. Any more brain busters?”
“Those’re Z’s.”
“That’s not fair! Rizzuto’s not a word! He’s a baseball player! You’re cheating!”
“You BLEW IT!”
“Actually I, uh, stole this shirt from Frank.”
“ERIC IS PREGNANT?”
“Hello? Is this Danny? Danny McGrath?”
“I disagree. Mortal Kombat is a good game but I think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.”
“O’Doyle, I’ve got a feeling your whole family’s going down.”
“Billy’s not here. I’m a dog.”
“You fallin’ in love with the wall or somethin?”
“You had an accident? What’s that supposed to mean – GOO!”
“Yeah, I did. It’s pretty good, huh?”
“1466. ’67. 1469. 1514. 1981? 1986? Please do not do that. Come on, I swear… Just hang in there one second. Please, God, give me the answer!”
“[drunk, he sees a fake a penguin] It’s too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around here. I gotta send him back to the South Pole.”
“[to Eric] You broke my heart.”
“Suntan lotion is good for me. You protect me; tee hee hee. Oh the sun tries to burn me but you won’t let it – will ya? Ultraviolet rays bad. Lotion good.”
“Alright, boys night out! Let’s go!”
Life Brian Madison also called Adam Sandler Quotes
“High school is great. I mean I’m learning a lot. And all the kids are treating me very nice. It’s great.”
“[grabs 3rd grader’s face and whispers] Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. Stay here. Stay here as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it.”
“Umm… this is Billy Madison. You probably don’t remember me but I went to high school with you. And I, um, kinda gave you a hard time back then, and, uh, I did some things I thought were funny at the time, and realized they were just mean and stupid. And I just called to apologize and hope you forgive me.”
“Wow, that’s great! Well, I am sorry, and maybe we can get together sometime and have some coffee.”
“[Relieved] Okay, great! I’ll see you around.”
“No more studying! No more studying! No more studying! No more studying! No more studying! No more studying! I’m done studying! I’m done studying! I’m done studying!”
Motivation and Inspiration Brian Madison Quotes
“Okay, alright… Alright, you got it. First Grade through Twelfth Grade all over again. I’ll do each grade in two weeks, take the test, re-graduate, prove to you I’m not an idiot, and then I get to take over Madison Hotels.”
“Give me one more chance, I’ll prove I can take over. I’ll do anything it takes. I’ll go back to high school and take the exams again, and I’ll get the diploma all by myself.”
“Just DO IT!”
“Oh, I CAN… and i WILL!”